About Me

Thank you for dropping by.

Thanks for Coming

I am a full-time wife and mother, and a part-time general dental practitioner.

This blog used to go by the name of ‘MessyConscience’. I ended up in a long hiatus starting 2013. Since then, my external and internal affairs have unfolded in ways I could not ever imagine. It is 22 September 2018 today, my anniversary with my beloved husband.

Malay is my mother tongue. English is my second language.

As soon as I felt like I really walk firmly through my daily life, I thought of writing again. Five years were a long time. As I read through my old blogs, I realized that my old self needed help.

I am currently living to re-parent myself and heal my wounded self, alongside being a helpful wife and a mother worth of great memories.

As depressing as most of my posts might sound to you, I am in real life, a content person. I am satisfied with myself and my life. I am quite independent emotionally. Things keep improving internally for me, thank you Allah.

Nevertheless, the urge to write has always been there. A little more for you, my followers, to enjoy while I am still at it.

I have dedicated my Blogs section to write short entries about Autism Spectrum Disorder as I experience it.

Thanks for your kindness.


About Self-Diagnosis

How I wish my brain would type whatever thoughts I come across without having me to actually face the laptop…

I have so many thoughts running around all the time. My thoughts are haphazard but they are clear. Only most of the time they are not verbal. Typing would need me to make sense of my avoidance at the moment, translate thoughts to words, monitor my executive functioning… basically, too much work.

And thoughts usually come at random moments, like while I do laundry. And they would stay there in my brain, only that I couldn’t just face my laptop and dig them out and type them down.

Sometimes the timing is very nice and I would think about something and become able to type, but times like that are so rare.

So anyway I typed something on Facebook just now;

“If you need a fairer view on ‘self-diagnosis’ in the mental or neurodevelopmental sense, I’d recommend you this article.

As a professional in the healthcare system, I always understand how self-diagnosis can harm,
but ‘can’, not ‘will’.
More often it serves as a guide to the right diagnosis.
I’m always inspired by dental clients who keep telling me how sensitive and miserable their teeth are, even though they know their teeth look fine. That takes courage to explain the unexplainable. It can lead to important discoveries.
When someone self-diagnose, I empathize that they don’t have the luxury to get medical diagnosis. I’ve been in that situation for two years.
Luxury can be financial, situational, psychological, anything. Finding a well-informed professional can also be a luxury.
To say that what people who self-diagnose do as ‘unethical’ or to attack them for reaching out the only ways they can, feels a bit mean to me. If it happens to me, it wouldn’t be so helpful.
Moving on towards medical diagnosis can be hard (for many people, it’s a near impossible thing). Even professionals don’t know what to do with autistic or neurodivergent adults. The world can be mean when you need to rely on them sometimes.
Many just carry on their own, building their own strength because they just need to.
So if anyone of you think or have done preliminary screenings or found out that you’re autistic or something, I’d say it’s great that you notice that about yourself. It’s basically what helped me and many others.”