About Me

Thank you for dropping by.

Thanks for Coming

I am a woman, autistic, Muslim, a wife, a mother, and a part-time general dental practitioner.

This blog used to go by the name of ‘MessyConscience’. I ended up in a long hiatus starting 2013. Since then, my life has unfolded in wild and amazing ways. This blog was revived on 22 September 2018 today, my anniversary with my beloved husband.

Malay is my mother tongue. English is my second language. I can write and speak some Arabic, and I am learning sign and other languages.

This blog has gone through some important changes as I transform my thoughts, brush up my writing abilities and experience more things.

I have dedicated my Blogs section to write short entries about Autism as I experience it. And maybe some other things as well.
Thanks for your kindness.

About Self-Diagnosis

How I wish my brain would type whatever thoughts I come across without having me to actually face the laptop and word them out and fear I would be unintentionally harming people by my lack of ability in that sense.

I have so many thoughts running around all the time. My thoughts are haphazard but they are clear. Only most of the time they are not verbal. Typing would need me to make sense of my avoidance at the moment, translate thoughts to words, monitor my executive functioning… basically, disabling.

And thoughts usually come at random moments, like while I do laundry. And they would stay there in my brain, only that I could not just face my laptop and dig them out and type them down.

Sometimes the timing is very nice and I would think about something and become able to type, but times like that are so rare.

So anyway I typed something on Facebook just now. I am putting it here with edits;

If you need a fairer view on ‘self-diagnosis’ in the mental or neurodevelopmental sense, I recommend you this article.
As a professional in the healthcare system, I always understand how self-diagnosis can harm,

but ‘can’, not ‘will’.

More often it serves as a guide to the right diagnosis.

As a dentist, I am always inspired by dental clients who keep telling me how sensitive and miserable their teeth are, even though they know their teeth look fine. It takes courage to explain the unexplainable. It can lead to important discoveries.

When someone self-diagnose, I empathize that they do not have the luxury to get medical diagnosis. I have been in that situation for two years.

Luxury can be financial, situational, psychological, anything. Finding a well-informed professional can also be a luxury.

To say that what people who self-diagnose do as ‘unethical’ or to attack them for reaching out the only ways they can, feels a bit mean to me. If it happens to me, it would not be so helpful, and it would hurt me.

Moving on towards medical diagnosis can be hard (for many people, it is a near impossible thing). Even professionals do not know what to do with autistic or neurodivergent adults. The world can be mean when you need to rely on them sometimes. More so when the world is adamant in pathologizing people.

Many just carry on their own, building their own strength because they just need to.

So if anyone of you think or have done preliminary screenings or found out that you are autistic or something, I would say it is great that you notice that about yourself. It is basically what helped me and many others.