About Me

Thank you for dropping by.

Thanks for Coming

I am a full-time wife and mother, and a part-time general dental practitioner.

This blog used to go by the name of ‘MessyConscience’. I ended up in a long hiatus starting 2013. Since then, my external and internal affairs have unfolded in ways I could not ever imagine. It is 22 September 2018 today, my anniversary with my beloved husband.

Malay is my mother tongue. English is my second language.

As soon as I felt like I really walk firmly through my daily life, I thought of writing again. Five years were a long time. As I read through my old blogs, I realized that my old self needed help.

I am currently living to re-parent myself and heal my wounded self, alongside being a helpful wife and a mother worth of great memories.

As depressing as most of my posts might sound to you, I am in real life, a content person. I am satisfied with myself and my life. I am quite independent emotionally. Things keep improving internally for me, thank you Allah.

Nevertheless, the urge to write has always been there. A little more for you, my followers, to enjoy while I am still at it.

Epigrams of 2018 Onwards

I have dedicated my Blogs section to write short entries about Autism Spectrum Disorder as I experience it.

Writing It My Way

The Journey to Self Discovery

Autism and My Family



Diagnosis (Part 1)


Malaysians and Asperger’s Syndrome

A Torn Heart, Sewn

Why I Started Self-Advocating Autism

How Am I Autistic?

Autism Stays

The Autism Stigma

Diagnosis, Pause

Maternity, Motherhood and Autism

More Stimming

My Imposter Syndrome

Why My Child Cries When He Sees You


An Autistic Who Survived


Online Meltdown

Thanks for Coming

My Morning Routine


PDA and I

My Faith and I

Annoying Necessity

Thanks for your kindness.



When Being Stronger Is Your Only Choice

Ugh! This is such an avoidable, emotional topic to write about.


This is about being an insignificant someone whom society attaches a stigma on. This is about being alongside the unwanted souls just because many people think having one is such a burden.


I choose to write it here instead of somewhere else, because here I get a slower traffic, much slower than my already-slow Facebook traffic. So readers can take time to think for themselves.


A difference from the norm becomes a burden.

Something heavy to accept. Something alien, fearful, worrisome,

and unwanted.


Yep, I get that. I can’t deny that. Bringing up an autistic child can be a hell of an experience when one doesn’t know what it is and what is so different about being an autistic human being.


I guess I was a hell of an experience for my parents, my siblings, my friends, my employers, and anyone who stumble upon me and then my quirks. I guess it’s even scarier when you don’t know what it is that is so different about me, that invites curiosity,


but maybe even more than curiosity, social alienation? Bullying? Ostracism?


I guess having a normal child feels like heaven? I don’t know. I’m not a neurotypical, neither are my husband and my son, and neither are most people I have dealt with, I think.


For non-autistics though, or even autistics who are in denial, we could be some sort of hell on earth, a bad luck,


something to mourn over.


I am impulsive. When I read something like “I pray you don’t get an autistic kid”, or “May God give you an autistic kid” as an insult prayer,


what I see is myself, my son and every autistic people that I know.


Don’t these people, who can type, also have the capability to know that there are autistic adults, teenagers and even children who can read what they write?


Or are we so dismissible, removable, that what we feel, doesn’t matter to you?


I like to be positive and optimistic, be looked at as a strong person. But no, world, I’m not strong when you are being mean to me. I am so vulnerable and I’m here because I want to be supported, to be heard, and to be understood.


I want you to be strong alongside us, the vulnerable people. We are stronger with your acceptance, understanding, and inclusion.


No one says that accepting, learning and understanding will be easy. It’s not easy. It’s a journey and a long one at that.


Just give us a chance.


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